Let's Have A Party
by James Brown
discovered by Michael Clayton

24 November, 1990
Let's Have A Party (Best LP Cassette/CD)

"I CAN'T believe that Lindisfame have agreed in their 21st year as a band to make a record with me.

Gazza can't believe it! Lindisfarne are probably still in a state of shock. Georgie Best might have walked on water but Gazza can apparently raise the dead. Any offering by Gazza was destined to have been laughable, a bubbling cocktail of disposable rubbish, and bargain bin-bound bollocks, but who could have assumed his Christmas party piece would have been as meticulously brutal and calculating a rip-off as it actually is!

You think Steve McMahon's elbows are used cynically! Wait until you hear this. Gazza, the poor sod, appears on just three tracks. The inane Babysham bluster of 'Fog On The Tyne', the equally dismal and humourless 'Geordie Boys', and an end of the album singalong to' All You Need Is Love'.

"Whatever I do in life has to be fun, reckons Gazza. By 'fun' Gazza means the thing he uses to call his mam on at weekends, judging by this. 'Let's Have A Party' is as much fun as having a colostomy bag fitted and discovering the release tap's missing. When Gazza's not belching his way to commercial oblivion with a drum machine and some backing singers he's being pushed off the pitch by a selection of tawdry medleys. Gilbert O'Sullivan and Elvis have cut-and-paste efforts sandwiched between a selection of Motown and soul classic tracks covered by artists you've never heard of unless you're a regular at Batley Variety Club.

Whilst it's easy to mock the disc, more intriguing would be an investigation into exactly why footballers like Gawping Gazza want to make records. Other masters of their art, when they've literally conquered the world, don't suddenly feel the need to ring up Kenny Lynch and ask him to accompany them on some Beatles songs.

Grannies, if you're stuck for a present for wee Jimmy this Christmas, for God's sake don't purchase this, if you do you can expect a kick in the teeth and not a kiss on the cheek. It is the most cynical, callous and cold-hearted record I've ever come across. Gazza's chased a loose ball into the enterprise zone but failed to hit the target with a truly entertaining LP. It's not even amusing, it makes Clive Dunn's 'Grandad' appear as important as the first Clash album. Putting Gazza on disc is like Terry Venables playing Alvin Stardust behind Lineker this Saturday. Need I say more! (Nowt)


    ..James "Don Revie" Brown